Just moved and feeling miserable
Help! I moved from the Dallas to Denver. I keep writing my
friends back in Dallas, but they won't answer. I keep writing.
Aren't they rude?
Your feelings are typical. Most people need a minimum of
two years before they feel at home in a new community.
Your old friends view you in a new light. You're "that
lucky person who moved to Denver." If you've retired
or changed jobs, your new lifestyle will signal an even sharper
break. A few especially close friends may remain in touch
for awhile, but you can't anticipate the same closeness you
enjoyed in Dallas.
Rather than bombarding old friends with requests for letters,
I advise newcomers to embark on creative projects that will
enhance their personal growth.
Don't join groups just to meet people. Instead, explore the
new community on your own. Choose activities and groups that
will be fun even if you don't find friends there.
Lonely people can seek friendship in the wrong places with
the wrong people. Your boss, coworkers and new neighbors are
not your friends, at least not yet.
Keep your game face until you know who can be trusted. The
friendly folks at the PTA may be your boss's in-laws or your
neighbor's golf buddy.
Lonely people do dumb things. They make mistakes. Sometimes
they give in to the urge to quit a job, when a few more months
would have turned things around.
If you're truly miserable, you may have to take drastic steps
even move again. If you become severely depressed and
stop moving, see a therapist.
Making the Big Move for suggestions.
What to do? Go slow. Call a close friend or relative you
trust. Call a coach. Talk to a counselor. Long distance bills
and session fees will add up, but not as much as losing a
And who knows? In six months you might be running for mayor
and recruiting your old buddies to come move here. The
Moving Lady will not be surprised. She's seen it all.
|Cathy Goodwin, Ph.D. is an author, career coach, and
speaker. She works with mid-career professionals who want to make a fast
move to career freedom. Visit her site http://www.movinglady.com
or call 505-534-4294.